Flashcube

Now here’s something you don’t see every day – vandalism that doesn’t involve spray-paint or a marker but rather some yarn knitting needles and a whole lot of preparation. Now were I able to knit to any agree of aptitude that doesn’t result in sweaters with extra appendages I’d be all over that. Well, maybe if I thought of the idea first. I’m kind of dumb though.

But truth be told I’m positive that I’m retarded or something. Okay, perhaps the doctor hasn’t officially certified me yet but I’ve an inkling or a suspicion or something. Maybe it’s the lunch I ate. Heartburn? No, that can’t be it. Oh, I know! Because I’m no longer a Trivial Pursuit whiz kid as proven in a humbling game this weekend. I swear they’ve bottled retard because I had more than my fill this weekend.

Exactly as advertised.

It’s coming. The chaos, the relatives. I need a drink and how. But I should try to keep things under wraps or else I might end up like this.

The CD is finished and will be mailed out on the weekend. Thanks to the mind-boggling 3 people who bothered to ask for something to be mailed to them free. The rest shall be destroyed out of spite. Here’s a taste of what you’re missing.

1 Après Moi – Philippe Katerine
2 Uchikomide hadena kyoku – Plus-Tech Squeezebox
3 Koi wa Maboroshi (GET IT UP FOR LOVE) – Tokyo Jihen
4 Tropique – Muriel Dacq
5 Lass Uns Fliegen (Let Us Fly) – Sirius MO
6 Can’t Get You Out Of My Head – The Electronic Tomato
7 Yume Station – Sparta Locals
8 Niakoi me vika – Irina Florin
9 Mac teenage riot – Mac Donald Duck Eclair
10 Black Sunglasses – Mount Sims
11 Babystrich – Stereo Total
12 Bang Bang – Toktok Vs. Nena
13 No. 6 – Sitcom warriors
14 My Heart Is Made Of Ministeck – Pinknoise
15 Crowd Control – Gold Chains and Sue Cie
16 Spacer Woman – Charlie
17 100% Vip – Philippe Katerine

If like me, you’re so full of election fever can’t even stand it anymore then why not play the game. Prime Minister Forever is a rather timely game (Windows required) based around the upcoming federal election. I tried for a bit but then I got confused. Then again, I get confused over anything more complicated than Bubble Bobble. In my state of confusion I watched the French language debates only to realize that I don’t even understand a word of French. Shit! If anyone can figure out the game let me know so I can make a point of voting against you should you ever decide to run as an MP.

I think I’m having some sort of career epiphany or something because suddenly Photoshopping (Adobe, suck it) animals onto the bodies of uniformed humans seems like a good idea. Not just because some jerk beat me to the punch but rather that their charging $20 for something that would take me two minutes to do.

Okay, okay, I know that ideas seem obvious in retrospect but I’ve a few ideas of my own that I’ve yet to act upon: like the idea to have all McDonalds employees suspended with a series of wires and harnesses so that they can move around faster. Or the other one involving a trampoline floor for my bedroom. Or better yet, something involving a goat, a ball of wax, and Estonia. I’m not sure exactly how those three elements will fall into place but I’m sure that they’re a lot better than a cat in a motherfucking Navy uniform.

UPDATE: The mix CD will be mailed out some time this week. I’m still working on the fucking thing.

Helsinki seems to have it’s shit together fashion-wise according to this website. And really, after a visit or two, can you argue? I don’t know much about Finland except from what I’ve seen on Eurovision. Based on that, I thought they were all blonde-haired dance fanatics. And they are to a certain degree, but they dress pretty nice as well.

UPDATE Still haven’t received Federal Conservative Membership package (includes: card, button, hat, and bazooka) but I did receive an invitation to join the Provincial Conservatives from Ralph Klein and his wife. I suspect that my name is now on some sort of Conservative mailing list or something and I’ll be getting more of this shit as the weeks pass. I’ll have to think about the Provincial Conservative and whether or not I want to put my good name behind them. I’ll keep you updated.

I am currently half-done compiling some songs for my Christmas Mix CD. And by Christmas I mean that’s when you get it not songs about motherfucking elves and shit. Anyways, it’s my gift to you provided you do the following thing:

Send me an email with the subject line “I want it bad!!!” and your mailing address in the body so I can send it to you. Note: I will not fucking stalk you. It would not look at all good to my girlfriend. Quantities are limited to 10. The joy you receive is limitless. So hurry, hurry, hurry!!!

UPDATE Mason wants it bad and will be getting his CD next week.
Susie also wants it real bad and will be getting her CD next week.

Christmas is only a few short weeks away and while I’ve compiled my list there may be a few things that might want but not realize. For the extra, I mean extra pliable there this thing available right now at Amazon. At fist first I was a little confused. Was it some sort of device to give the “solid” greeting to your comrades if you’re a paraplegic. Then I found out the truth not only be reading the reviews on the product page but by coming across this book. Boy has a new world opened up for me so to speak. The reviews for the Fist are quite funny. Here are some excerpts.

The best feature of this product is that it smells like anus right out of the package. It reminded me of Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma’s. I heard a rumor that there will soon be a model that comes with a built in GPS unit so you can see exactly where you’re sticking it.

I love my Fist and use it at least once everyday, but my only complaint is that it is a slight bit too small because I regularly go elbow deep. I’d like to see an upgraded version of The Fist that has the ability to hold a fork/spoon, a pencil, or even a flashlight. It would definitely make it more versatile and discreet. I might even be able to keep one at my office, then. “‘What’s that?,’ you say? That’s just my pen holder.” I would recommend manufacturing the Bob Dole edition. It should come pre-equipped with a nice pen.

Carl (who should hang out more often) sent me this link the other day. Probably because he thinks that I’m really into that type of thing. If by “that thing” he means funny and not tits then he’s half-right. Luckily this link straddles both like a cheap Vegas whore and comes up smelling like fucking roses. Thanks Carl!